Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Only Bad People Have Beards! Vote for the Clean Shaven Candidate!


Above: Peter Sutcliffe, Lenin, Nicholas (surname Unknown), Lorcan Mullen, Fiona Kidd (honest)



Alexander Redpath, Tea Party Candidate for VP Campaigns and Communications, has launched a bitter attack on his opponents accusing them of being “scruffy”, “unkept” and “failing miserably to do a Niall Bole impression”. Mr Redpath went on to call for an end to beards amongst Union Officers laying it out as a cornerstone of his upcoming regime. Mr Redpath commented,

“Everyone knows beards are for bad people. Just look at the facts Attila the Hun had a beard, Genghis Khan had a beard, Santa Claus had a beard, Stalin had a beard and I’m pretty sure Peter Gregson is growing one. The fact that not one but both of my opponents sport facial furniture is a sign that they share the ideals and principles of the above named individuals.

“I urge all QUB students to vote for a man who not only chooses not to sport facial furniture but is medically incapable of doing so! If elected Union Overlord (VP campaigns) I will institute a policy of immediate shaving for first offenders followed by banishment to Jordanstown for those of you who don’t get the message. Vote for a clean shaven candidate.

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