Glorious Revolution

Alexander Redpath, newly “elected” Union Overlord, has made his first public proclamation. Overlord Redpath was quick to play down the impact of yesterday’s “glorious revolution” in which loyal redpathites militias seized control of the Union after a flawed poll. Speaking from the balcony of the new Presidential palace (formerly Mandela Hall) the new Overlord said,

“I roundly condemn the large-scale ballot tampering and intimidation used by my opponents. These tactics were amateurish and poorly carried out (I should know) the returning officer, who tragically cut his own head off while shaving this morning, claims I only received 425 votes against Kidd’s 2419. This is a manifest lie as I voted at least that many times myself. That combined with the efforts of my 1,000 trained monkeys (nearly renamed QUB information services) should have guaranteed victory.

Unfortunately this means that as I round up the last of the instigators the Union is now under martial law. I have been forced to appoint a provisional government headed by elder statesman and my former drinking buddy Jason O’Neill. I am confident Jason will provide an acceptable figurehead, eh I mean principled and enlightened leadership as we struggle through this difficult time.

Finally loyal comrades I advise you to be on the lookout for the noted counter-revolutionary Niall Bole. Mr Bole in stark defiance of the new regimes regulations on facial hair continues to support a magnificent volumous beard. Until this individual is caught and shaved along with his accomplices none of us will be safe!

On a lighter note the following rights have been suspended for the duration of the national emergency.

-Speech
-Expression
-Facial hair
-Free and fair elections

Only Bad People Have Beards! Vote for the Clean Shaven Candidate!

Above: Peter Sutcliffe, Lenin, Nicholas (surname Unknown), Lorcan Mullen, Fiona Kidd (honest)

Alexander Redpath, Tea Party Candidate for VP Campaigns and Communications, has launched a bitter attack on his opponents accusing them of being “scruffy”, “unkept” and “failing miserably to do a Niall Bole impression”. Mr Redpath went on to call for an end to beards amongst Union Officers laying it out as a cornerstone of his upcoming regime. Mr Redpath commented,

“Everyone knows beards are for bad people. Just look at the facts Attila the Hun had a beard, Genghis Khan had a beard, Santa Claus had a beard, Stalin had a beard and I’m pretty sure Peter Gregson is growing one. The fact that not one but both of my opponents sport facial furniture is a sign that they share the ideals and principles of the above named individuals.

“I urge all QUB students to vote for a man who not only chooses not to sport facial furniture but is medically incapable of doing so! If elected Union Overlord (VP campaigns) I will institute a policy of immediate shaving for first offenders followed by banishment to Jordanstown for those of you who don’t get the message. Vote for a clean shaven candidate.

Redpath explains right-wing links

Alex Redpath, SU candidate for VP Campaigns and Communications, has explained his links to the far-right tea party movement. Mr Redpath Commented,

“I am proud to enjoy the support of the tea party movement. Tea is a fine warm beverage and I will not play down my association with tea to allay the fairs of the looney left.

People need to understand that tea is a universal good with proven health advantages. It also needs to be understood that a lot of the negative media surrounding tea is a misrepresentation. The media often seize upon the views of far right tea activists who hold that tea should be drunk without milk, iced and that President Obama is a Muslim.

I wish to distance myself from the views of these extremists and establish myself as a moderate sensible cup of tea with perhaps a chocolate hobnob candidate.”

Redpath Un-phased by Ballot Absence

Alexander Redpath, Tea Party Candidate for VP Campaigns and Communications, has said he is un-phased by the absence of his name from posters, Gown reports and indeed the ballot paper. Mr Redpath commented,

"I have never taken the voting process into account in my electoral strategy. Indeed I have stood in several elections where the actual number of votes I received made no impact on my eventual inevitable victory.

However to counteract this I have decided to grow a large moustache and adopt the name and mannerisms of a well known San Diego news anchor who amazingly is on all the ballots.

I would also like to take this opportunity to announce a new flagship policy. I like Caitriona Ruane believe that selection on the basis of academic ability is unfair, barbaric and likely to result in the worlds immediate explosion. Therefore if elected I will change the QUB entrance requirements to the new craic scale invented by myself.

Instead of entrance on the basis of A-levels prospective Queen’s Students will be assessed on how much craic they are. This will be assessed by the central committee of craic which will be elected annually at the inaugural meeting of the Queen’s Student Council. The committee will put students through a gruelling entrance exam including how fast they can chug 2ltres of milk, a last (wo)man standing china china eat off and of course the jailbreak.

All appeals will be made to the university senate where they will be duly ignored.